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[oom] November 1982 #217 (cassette tape)
November 1982 #217
[ tape starts ]
[ sound of Alex settling in ]
[ a sigh, marked by a noted hitch in her breath, tapers down ]
Molly, do you believe in second chances? Do you believe that -- when people make mistakes, they should be allowed to start over? To be given a chance to set things right?
[ ... ]
I thought...
[ ... ]
I thought when I first came here that that was what I was here to do. To set things right with my parents. And I thought -- after everything was over -- I thought I wasn't allowed to change anything. The past is a sequence of events carved in stone. Those events were going to happen again, just as they had happened before, and there was nothing I could do or say to change that.
[ ... ]
Martin Summers changed all that.
[ ... ]
[ her voice breaks ]
I watched him shoot his younger self, and I was -- so -- distraught by the implications, I let him manipulate me into covering up that murder. I should have told Gene then, about the roses, about the night time visits, about all of it. He played me. He's still playing me, I know, and I just can't figure out -- why or how.
[ ... ]
God, I don't know why I'm sitting here, talking into this tape again. It's not like you're ever going to hear these. And Gene...
[ ... ]
[ ... ]
[ quiet sobs ]
[ ... ]
[ a sharp sigh ]
I tried to tell him the truth, Molly, and he -- he didn't believe me. I know it sounds so ludicrous, the whole thing sounds ludicrous. I mean, I'm trapped inside it, living it and it's ludicrous to me. I just never thought he'd -- he'd say -- he accused me of lying. Of fabricating it all, to what end I have no idea. He suspended me. He took my warrant card. He may as well have taken my life away. And then...he....
[ ... ]
[ harsh breath, clenched jaw sobs, a thump like a fist on the table ]
[ ... ]
Molly, he doesn't understand. He can't. I have to fight to get home. As much as I want to be with him, I can't stay here. I have to get home to you. And if foiling Operation Rose and stopping Summers is the only way to do that, I swear to you, I will see this through to the bitter end.
Maybe I have to let go. Maybe I'm holding on to him too tightly. Maybe that's what's keeping me here, Molly. And if that's the case, then I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He's a beast of a man, but God help me, he's -- he's so -- he drives me insane. He stands too close, and I just -- I don't want to be strong any more. I don't need to be strong. He is my rock. And I don't want to leave him, but I haven't any choice in the matter.
I'm so sorry, you have to know that I'm trying to get back to you. That I won't give up until the bitter end.
Gene, I'm so sorry. If you were here, God... If you were here, I'd deck you myself. No, I would kiss you. I would kiss you until you couldn't breathe. Until you couldn't see straight. I wouldn't stop kissing you until you finally understood.
I'm yours, Gene.
I will always be yours, why can't you see that?
[ quiet, bone deep sobs ]
[ tape ends ]
[ tape starts ]
[ sound of Alex settling in ]
[ a sigh, marked by a noted hitch in her breath, tapers down ]
Molly, do you believe in second chances? Do you believe that -- when people make mistakes, they should be allowed to start over? To be given a chance to set things right?
[ ... ]
I thought...
[ ... ]
I thought when I first came here that that was what I was here to do. To set things right with my parents. And I thought -- after everything was over -- I thought I wasn't allowed to change anything. The past is a sequence of events carved in stone. Those events were going to happen again, just as they had happened before, and there was nothing I could do or say to change that.
[ ... ]
Martin Summers changed all that.
[ ... ]
[ her voice breaks ]
I watched him shoot his younger self, and I was -- so -- distraught by the implications, I let him manipulate me into covering up that murder. I should have told Gene then, about the roses, about the night time visits, about all of it. He played me. He's still playing me, I know, and I just can't figure out -- why or how.
[ ... ]
God, I don't know why I'm sitting here, talking into this tape again. It's not like you're ever going to hear these. And Gene...
[ ... ]
[ ... ]
[ quiet sobs ]
[ ... ]
[ a sharp sigh ]
I tried to tell him the truth, Molly, and he -- he didn't believe me. I know it sounds so ludicrous, the whole thing sounds ludicrous. I mean, I'm trapped inside it, living it and it's ludicrous to me. I just never thought he'd -- he'd say -- he accused me of lying. Of fabricating it all, to what end I have no idea. He suspended me. He took my warrant card. He may as well have taken my life away. And then...he....
[ ... ]
[ harsh breath, clenched jaw sobs, a thump like a fist on the table ]
[ ... ]
Molly, he doesn't understand. He can't. I have to fight to get home. As much as I want to be with him, I can't stay here. I have to get home to you. And if foiling Operation Rose and stopping Summers is the only way to do that, I swear to you, I will see this through to the bitter end.
Maybe I have to let go. Maybe I'm holding on to him too tightly. Maybe that's what's keeping me here, Molly. And if that's the case, then I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. He's a beast of a man, but God help me, he's -- he's so -- he drives me insane. He stands too close, and I just -- I don't want to be strong any more. I don't need to be strong. He is my rock. And I don't want to leave him, but I haven't any choice in the matter.
I'm so sorry, you have to know that I'm trying to get back to you. That I won't give up until the bitter end.
Gene, I'm so sorry. If you were here, God... If you were here, I'd deck you myself. No, I would kiss you. I would kiss you until you couldn't breathe. Until you couldn't see straight. I wouldn't stop kissing you until you finally understood.
I'm yours, Gene.
I will always be yours, why can't you see that?
[ quiet, bone deep sobs ]
[ tape ends ]