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[oom] November 1982 #216 (cassette tape)
November 1982 #216
[ tape starts ]
[ sound of quiet, ragged breathing ]
You've just left. Snout waiting for you at the station, with information on the guns.
[ ... ]
You were going to kiss me, weren't you? I don't care that you were drunk, or that we're both emotional hamburger right now. I wanted you to kiss me. Tonight, it didn't feel like giving up. It felt...
[ ... ]
Her name is Molly, Gene. She's twelve years old and today, the day I was shot, is her birthday. I'm supposed to go home and blow out birthday candles with her. I'm supposed to be there, not here.
But you...
You make me feel like I'm supposed to be here. Like I was supposed to come here and find you. You make me feel like -- I don't even have the words for it. All I know is that I wanted that kiss. I want a chance to --
See, that's the thing. What I want doesn't matter. When you have a child, your needs fall by the wayside. Their needs overshadow everything. Peter left me because he couldn't accept that one simple truth. She never meant as much to him as his novel, or his -- Bohemian lifestyle, whatever the fuck that means. She never meant as much to him as she means to me.
I told you at Christmas, I had my reasons. But I also told you, that didn't change the way I felt about you. It still hasn't. I wish you -- I wish I'd met you in 2008. I wish you could meet her, too. I think you'd like her. I know she'd like you. You're obnoxious and loud, absolutely irreverent, everything she loves.
Everything I love.
I can't change the facts as I know them. And maybe I am mad, for choosing her over you. But tonight, it didn't feel like Solomon's Choice. It felt natural, and healthy. It felt -- right.
And then the phone rang and the moment was lost.
[ ... ]
Her name is Molly. And I love her, Gene. I can't -- It's getting harder every day to see her face. To remember why I have to keep fighting to get home to her. And I can't let that happen. I can't betray her. And if that means -- if that means that I can't have what I so desperately want with you? Then that's what I have to live with.
I'm just sorry that you have to live with it, too. It's not fair, to either of us. But then, since when is life fair.
[ her voice gets closer, quieter ]
Gene. I am sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. For you, yes, but for myself. If things were different -- you have to know that, don't you? How could you not know that?
[ ... ]
Just one kiss.
[ tape ends ]
[ tape starts ]
[ sound of quiet, ragged breathing ]
You've just left. Snout waiting for you at the station, with information on the guns.
[ ... ]
You were going to kiss me, weren't you? I don't care that you were drunk, or that we're both emotional hamburger right now. I wanted you to kiss me. Tonight, it didn't feel like giving up. It felt...
[ ... ]
Her name is Molly, Gene. She's twelve years old and today, the day I was shot, is her birthday. I'm supposed to go home and blow out birthday candles with her. I'm supposed to be there, not here.
But you...
You make me feel like I'm supposed to be here. Like I was supposed to come here and find you. You make me feel like -- I don't even have the words for it. All I know is that I wanted that kiss. I want a chance to --
See, that's the thing. What I want doesn't matter. When you have a child, your needs fall by the wayside. Their needs overshadow everything. Peter left me because he couldn't accept that one simple truth. She never meant as much to him as his novel, or his -- Bohemian lifestyle, whatever the fuck that means. She never meant as much to him as she means to me.
I told you at Christmas, I had my reasons. But I also told you, that didn't change the way I felt about you. It still hasn't. I wish you -- I wish I'd met you in 2008. I wish you could meet her, too. I think you'd like her. I know she'd like you. You're obnoxious and loud, absolutely irreverent, everything she loves.
Everything I love.
I can't change the facts as I know them. And maybe I am mad, for choosing her over you. But tonight, it didn't feel like Solomon's Choice. It felt natural, and healthy. It felt -- right.
And then the phone rang and the moment was lost.
[ ... ]
Her name is Molly. And I love her, Gene. I can't -- It's getting harder every day to see her face. To remember why I have to keep fighting to get home to her. And I can't let that happen. I can't betray her. And if that means -- if that means that I can't have what I so desperately want with you? Then that's what I have to live with.
I'm just sorry that you have to live with it, too. It's not fair, to either of us. But then, since when is life fair.
[ her voice gets closer, quieter ]
Gene. I am sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. For you, yes, but for myself. If things were different -- you have to know that, don't you? How could you not know that?
[ ... ]
Just one kiss.
[ tape ends ]